Enjoy your cancer, dickheads
So I’m rolling into work this morning, irritated as usual because my job sucks. It’s roughly 6 A.M., I’m barely awake, the sun’s not up yet, and only a few people are rolling into work. And yet, and yet, some of these people are smoking.
I don’t get it. I’ve never gotten this. It’s freezing out, and none of these people at this office can reasonably claim to have been awake more than an hour and a half. Yet here they are, strolling up to the front doors of their office building, puffing on their cancer sticks. And you get the feeling that for at least some of these people, this is probably their second cigarette of the morning, since they probably lit up on the drive in to work.
I can’t really think of any other vice for which it’s OK to start it up before the sun even rises. (Note: I don’t count coffee as a vice here, coffee is a vital and oft-overlooked nutrient.) If someone popped open a can of beer or started sipping from their flask right during their morning commute, you’d clearly say that this person has a problem. Someone starting up their day of gambling right after breakfast is rightfully labeled as a loser. But lighting up twice between eating your Wheaties and showing up at your job, that’s okay?
The guy I’m filling in for, maybe he gets it. He’s an avid smoker himself. For all I know he’s out here lighting up with these guys most weekdays. Maybe he’s into having the yellow teeth and the flaccid wee-wee. I don’t know. I do know that this morning, as I’m enjoying the rare occasion of being able to smell the sweet pre-dawn air, it’s being invaded by smokers. If only I had a bottle of compressed kerosene or something else fairly flammable that I could spray at their lit cigarettes to get them to spontaneously combust.
Fuck this. I’m going back inside.
