over breakfast
I convulsively woke up at just after 6:30 this morning to the sound of rain. I spent a frantic thirty seconds figuring out what day it was before deciding it was Saturday and I didn’t have to get up for work. Of course, I’d also been asleep for over twelve hours, so trying to sleep in was probably a futile idea. After listening to the rain fall on the otherwise silent streets outside I got up to make myself some tea.
My roommates are earlier risers, and were up and moving around not too long after my second cup. I live with my brother and his girlfriend, and when they sauntered down stairs I asked if I couldn’t take them to breakfast to celebrate finally getting paid. Less than an hour later we were across town at the Cup and Saucer, seated in our booth.
I was refreshed from my long sleep, but apparently still a little slow in processing, because I couldn’t help but look at my brother blankly when he said, “So you were talking about mom’s book, huh?”
“What?”
“Mom’s book. The birds and the bees, man.”
“Dude, please make sense,” I said, picking at an errant eye boogie. “I don’t get it.”
“I read about it on the blog.”
“What? Someone left a new comment? I haven’t checked my site since Thursday.”
“No, on your friend’s blog. Uh, the one from Chicago. I think she got stuck at the airport.”
“Oh,” I said. “Oh!”
-memory burst-
it’s on the top floor look at this view now that’s what I call white where’s your tie double-windsor try the vampire it has tequila sasquatch’s wingspan hey you forced my hand called me ball-less can’t be looking at goatse at work the thumbs should be down it’s like the iphone of hair-dos I brought mustaches for everyone no more neck tattoos look at my pumpkin here I’ll hold it table used to be a roller-coaster no more sugar for him put that in the notes I didn’t know her in the biblical sense this is great pizza last one will be in Chicago sing for me I didn’t hear last time this is some great art in here she put a bunch of quarters in but pressed one player check it fanboy with the mac is waiting to join that conversation never knew that about women you sure trust us only telling you this because I’ve had three whiskeys roadtrip to vegas peed in the holy water last call already…
Memories flooded through me as they do, and I vividly recalled a dozen snippets from a night well spent. I put my head down on the table next to my plate of eggs and laughed long and hard. My sides ached from a procedure gone awry, a whiskey infusion abruptly and unexpectedly rejected by my body around four the previous morning, but still I laughed.
Sitting up finally, I said, “Yes, I may have mentioned mom’s giant sex book. You remember when we found that thing?”
“Oh yeah. Pass the Tabasco sauce?”
“Sure.”
I think I’m a little jealous of the big fun you guys always have
HAHAHA! i don’t even remember seeing you around during some of these conversations. you are good.
i am pretty sure i learn something new about women every time we do this. and not necessarily in the biblical sense.
“mom’s giant sex book”
that’s the name of the new blog i’m starting, where i’m going to post all the unpostable tequilacon planning committee photos. i have amassed quite a collection, from this week alone.
So, your mom taught you and your brother about giant sex? Isn’t that sorta weird?
Hilly, look it at this way, we’re building up entertainment momentum so you’ll be twice as entertained by the time we all meet up in Philadelphia.
Brandon, I remembered another one today over coffee, about how you said curly haired people are smarter because the curls cause their cortex to wrinkle up more and someone (I think it was Jenny) said their cerebral cortex was like a shar pei, and I burst out laughing again.
Jenny, I got a few of those. I’m pretty sure any political aspirations I might have would be ruined if some of them leaked out.
Shari, I’m not trying to give you parenting advice or anything but if you have a giant sex book and one of your little Eclectics digs it up, they might turn out like me. Especially if they start their own blog. You’ve been warned.
Hilarity.
I only found toys…not as funny or scientifically interesting as giant sex, but equally disturbing (probably)
Just dropping by, looking for the Halloween edition.