pending approval
FROM THE TEQUILACON GENERAL ACCOUNTING OFFICE:
Dear Vahid X. Huitzilopochtli,
We have received and reviewed a copy of your expense report for your recent TequilaCon planning trip. While the accommodation, air travel, and dinner allocations all look above board, we have noticed certain irregularities in your submitted list of expenses. The guidelines for travel compensation allow some leeway; however, as your expenses appear to be more than a little unusual for a business trip, you will need to provide some sort of justification for certain items before this office can approve them as a business expense and provide appropriate compensation. These items are listed as follows:
* Architectural Cruise
“Every bridge tower is different? I had no idea.”
“Isn’t that the Oprah Winfrey building, the tall one by the water?”
“Like she owns it, or she lives there?”
“She’s the only one who lives there, the whole thing is hers. Just her and Dr Phil.”
“I think the Trump Tower looks like a big penis.”
* Souvenir Photo Prints
“Hey, our picture is still up on the monitor. Is it okay if I take a picture of it?”
“Uh, it’s not allowed to take pictures of the monitor.”
“I know, but I already bought the prints. It’s not like I’m ripping you off.”
“Well…if I let you do it, then other people would think it was okay to do it. I’d have total anarchy in here.”
“What if we took a picture of ourselves standing in front of the monitor pointing at ourselves in front of the Hancock Tower. Is that okay?”
“Um. The elevator is that way.”
* Martinis, Imported Beer — not consumed with meal
“See that huge line? That’s the wait to get in the elevator to take you back downstairs. So I hope you weren’t planning on doing a dine and dash. We’d have to run around the restaurant until the line cleared out.”
“That sounds like a great idea for a sitcom episode.”
“We could base an entire series on that idea. Every week the characters would try to dine and dash from increasingly ridiculous situations.”
“That line is still pretty long. We’d better order another round.”
* Custom T-shirt
“Oh, there she is. There’s my lady. She’s going on my shirt.”
“What are you going to get on the back?”
“What you need to ask yourself is, what would a maverick write on their T-shirt?”
“Moose… be-yooo-ti-ful… “
“Something mavericky.”
* Tips — ‘Puppet Bike’
“You guys! Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, it’s PUPPET BIKE!!”
“Puppet Bike?! Wow!”
“Oh, I think I’m in love with Puppet Bike. This is definitely worth a dollar.”
“Don’t put it in the box, give it to the puppet.”
“Here you go, one-eyed cat. High five, little buddy!”
* Admission — Adler Planetarium
“I can’t believe we walked this far just to visit the Terror-arium.”
“It’s for science! Also I want to see how my tax dollars are being spent.”
“I just read that poster and it says we’re all going to die. The sun is going to expand until it consumes the earth.”
“Don’t worry about that, it’s called the Rapture. We’ll be just fine. Well, I will be, I know the right people.”
“Science is thirty times cooler if you wear 3-D glasses.”
“I’m putting my 3-D glasses up against the 3-D viewer. I’ve got 6-D.”
“Okay, I think we can all fit in the photo booth. You sit on the floor this time.”
“OH MY GOD, THERE IT IS! The three million dollar projector! Get a picture!”
As you know, we take our duties in regard to Tequila Oversight very seriously, in order to assure the citizenry of the blogosphere that their TequilaTax dollars are spent appropriately. Please re-submit your expense report with apporpriate documentation attached as soon as possible. You will not be recompensed for your expenses until such time.
Sincerely,
L. Jimador
Don Julio & Associates
TequilaCon GAO
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