Dear Jenny,

Happy belated birthday!  I didn’t manage to get a card in the mail in time so I took some pictures for you instead.  I  know you declared beardwhore09 to be over and even though I strongly suspect the other contestant was heavily doping with Rogaine throughout the whole competition I won’t make a big stink about it since it’s, you know, your birthday and stuff.  Anyway, since you also asked that beardwhore be replaced with pornstache, I took some pictures to document the process.

First, I let the condemned beard have one last smoke.  I told my family I was taking the beard to live with a nice family in the country where it could run free and play.

last beardwhore sighting

Then I began the shearing.  The beard put up more of a fight than I anticipated so I had to sedate it.

the death of a beardwhore

I didn’t know quite what to do with pornstache, so I had to improvise.  I think this ought to do the trick:

pornstache09

And, even though you didn’t specifically ask for it this time, practically the entire time that I’ve known you you’ve tried to get me to sport a John Waters microstache, so I trimmed down pornstache a bit until I came up with a reasonable approximation.

the john waters

I hope you like your mustache photos, since I have now gone over my quota for posting pictures of myself for the next six months.

Love lots,

-Vahid