Happy belated birthday! I didn’t manage to get a card in the mail in time so I took some pictures for you instead. I know you declared beardwhore09 to be over and even though I strongly suspect the other contestant was heavily doping with Rogaine throughout the whole competition I won’t make a big stink about it since it’s, you know, your birthday and stuff. Anyway, since you also asked that beardwhore be replaced with pornstache, I took some pictures to document the process.
First, I let the condemned beard have one last smoke. I told my family I was taking the beard to live with a nice family in the country where it could run free and play.
Then I began the shearing. The beard put up more of a fight than I anticipated so I had to sedate it.
I didn’t know quite what to do with pornstache, so I had to improvise. I think this ought to do the trick:
And, even though you didn’t specifically ask for it this time, practically the entire time that I’ve known you you’ve tried to get me to sport a John Waters microstache, so I trimmed down pornstache a bit until I came up with a reasonable approximation.
I hope you like your mustache photos, since I have now gone over my quota for posting pictures of myself for the next six months.