extra sensory
I was playing Mario Kart for everything I was worth, which wasn’t much after my last heavily fortified glass of sangria. It also wasn’t helping that as I tried to maneuver my racer through a shopping mall, I kept trying to get a good look at my watch. A sharp turn finally came up, and as brought the Wii steering wheel hard to the right I looked down and caught sight of the display. 7:58.
Calculating: Two blocks to the nearest bus stop, 3 minutes. Worst case scenario, I’ve just missed the Number 14. 30 minute wait, followed by 20 minutes to downtown transit mall, walk five blocks to catch the MAX… ”Hey, Niels, how you doing?”
“Pretty good,” he said, focused intently on keeping his turtle on the race track, barrelling through another power-up. ”How do I use that star I just picked up?”
“Whatever that button is under your right thumb. Listen, I’m probably going to bail out after this race. I can go walk and catch the bus if you want to stick around.”
“Well.” He took in his most recent victory, being celebrated by countless cheering little digital beings. ”Nah, I think I’m about ready. I can give you a ride.”
“You sure?” Recalculating: 12 minutes by car back to my house, 9 minute walk back to the train this time of night, worst case: I just missed the Red Line, 15 minute wait…
“Yeah, I probably don’t need another drink.” And so we dropped our magic plastic steering wheels on the couch and wandered out to go find our hosts.
“Tyler! Hey!”
“Hey, guys. Did you try the sangria?”
“Yeah. Jeez, but those pieces of fruit really soak up the alcohol. I probably shouldn’t have eaten so many. Listen, we’re heading out, but thanks for having us over. This was a great barbecue.”
“What?” He threw his hands up in the air. ”You guys can’t leave already! It’s early yet!”
“Yeah, sorry. I’ve…ah, got to be someplace.”
“LAME.”
“I KNOW. You know where Sibyl is?”
He gestured back at the living room. ”I think I saw her slip back in there to play Mario Kart with Tam.”
We popped back into the living room, where Sibyl was guiding Luigi around palm trees and sand traps. ”Hey, Sib, we’re gonna take off.”
“What?! BOOOOOO!! You can’t leave yet! I know you guys don’t have to work tomorrow.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” Recalculating: add 4 minutes for the Tendering of the Apologies.
“Come on, we need to do a round of tequila shots.”
“Uh.” Recalculating: add 2 hours recovery time. UNACCEPTABLE. ”Sorry, I can’t tonight.”
“COME ON. You guys can’t be done yet. What’s the story?”
“You know, I spent a lot of time outside today, and I’m just sort of feeling-”
“Is it a girl?”
I blinked. ”What?”
She turned to look at me, letting the Wii steering wheel fall into her lap; Luigi ploughed into the side of the track. ”Vahid, seriously. Are you going to go see a girl?”
“I.” Hands in my back pockets, rocking back on my heels. ”Um.” Rolling up onto my toes. Flat on the floor again. How the hell do they just KNOW these things? ”Yeah, Sib, I’m gonna go see a girl.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep.”
“Okay.” She put the wheel down and stood up. ”Then come give me a hug. It’s good to see you boys.”
“It’s good to see you too. We’ll have to get together soon and have a margarita night like we did last year when strawberries came into season. I’ve still got that bottle of premium tequila at my house.”
“We need to. Soon. Take care.”
“You too.”
As we ambled down the sidewalk to the car, I reflected on what a strange and potent ability this “woman’s intuition” must be. Could it be taught, this mysterious power to look into men’s souls and know what they were up to? She hadn’t even been looking at me when she’d guessed why I was leaving. Why, with such a power, I could rule the earth! No mortal could stand against me! Entire nations would be forced to-
“It’s gonna be another scorcher tomorrow, bro,” Niels piped up. ”Forecast is saying it’s going to be in the 80s again.”
“A day that hot is going to require drinking some cold beers,” I observed, reasonably. ”You in?”
“Always, my friend. Always.”
Then again, men aren’t terribly complicated creatures. Perhaps there isn’t as much to it as all that.
Comments(12)
Let me be the first to say, “Ohhhhh Vahiiiiiid!”
And yes, a woman’s intuition is all knowing, all seeing. Fortunately, we only use our powers for good. Mostly.
My daughter hasn’t gotten it yet because she isn’t quite a woman but the other day I knew something about her and she asked if I was psychic. Yep. All women sort of are, right?
So that tremor I felt in the force must have been a thousand lovesick girls all crying out at once.
Ohhhhh Vahiiiiiid!
I’m pretty sure I can hear all the other girls in Portland crying now. Pretty sure.
That’s one lucky girl.
Let me just say this: your observation on women’s intuition is part of the reason I think many men fear a female president. Heh.
It’s a weird thing that we have…we always know, always sense. Hell, as you know, sometimes we sense things about you before YOU even do.
We’re just that good.
i don’t know about intuition, but i do know that mario kart is EVIL.
Why, with such a power, I could rule the earth!
Hello? You hadn’t noticed? Women DO rule the earth. Seriously, a boy-child is born, everyone asks, “How’s the mother?” He gets married, everyone says, “What a beautiful bride!” He dies, they ask, “How much’d he leave her?” I’m just sayin.
this post makes me smile. maybe next time instead of you leaving someone else can join us….
Excellent tale. Rest easy, my woman’s intuition spends a lot of time on the fritz.
You are not supposed to know this about our men brain radar superpower. Shit. She forgot to do the Men In Black erase memory thingy!
Yeah, I have that women’s intuition thing too. I’m usually right about the good and the bad stuff. Hope you had a nice night.