Iron Fist

My brother called me last night to make sure I was still going to the Portland Mercury’s Civic Clean-Up Squad event. “Sure,” I said, “on my way.” And since it’s been well-established that I can’t seem to show up on time to anything, “on my way” actually meant “just now leaving my apartment.” So I hustled down the street to catch the MAX to the Convention Center, stopping to rip up some duct tape off the sidewalk from a few spots in front of the library on my way.

Duct tape, you ask? For those of you that aren’t local, here’s the story in a nutshell: in anticipation of the Rose Parade coming into town, ‘necks from around the area will use duct tape to lay claim to large swaths of public sidewalk (and even the streets, in some cases), marking it off as “theirs” up to a week in advance, and for several months afterwards as well, since they rarely bother to take their tape with them at the close of the parade. It’s trashy and more than a little rude, really.

So this year the Mercury decided to organize a clean-up, sweeping through the streets along the parade route pulling up the tape in order to restore the tradition of GETTING YOUR ASS OUT OF BED EARLY if you wanted a good spot, rather than writing your name in duct tape on the sidewalk and sauntering in whenever you pleased and plopping your chair down in a prime viewing area. And, like I said, I was late.

I jumped off the MAX at the Convention Center stop and headed south on MLK to catch up with the clean-up crew, who had made it all the way to Burnside by this point. On the way I saw plenty of clean sidewalk, and some amazing sights: I saw one woman laying down fresh tape on the street on a spot that had been freshly cleaned just a half hour before, muttering while she stomped the tape emphatically onto the ground to re-stake her claim on public property. I grinned at her in amusement, which earned me a scowl in return. A few blocks further up I saw two people in a van nearly cause an accident as they swerved over into a lane that they then proceeded to block by parking in traffic, so that they could jump out and throw fresh lawn chairs and tape at their spot. I passed a lot of people setting up camp who were all glowering and clenching their stubby little fingers into fists as they sat in chairs and in tents, apparently pretty upset that they were going to have to stay here all night if they really, really wanted to sit in those spots.

On the corner of Burnside and MLK I saw one man waddle out into traffic to re-tape off the area he felt was his to claim, which probably could have fit eighty parade watchers. They were talking to a news crew, spouting off about how rude this all was about us cleaning up their mess, although apparently it was cool for them to park their Chevy TrailBlazer ON THE SIDEWALK since there was no parking in that area.

I caught up with my brother and the rest of the Clean-Up Squad on the other side of the bridge, where I got back to work ripping up tape. This is a pretty messy business, by the way: the tape is pretty gross after being on the sidewalk for a week, and it’s sticky, and some people have taken to using masking tape which has to be picked off inch by inch.

But it was a great time. Some highlights of the evening:

• The nine year-old daughter of a local blogger had such enthusiasm and zeal for cleaning up the streets that she made the whole night for me. She dived into the task of pulling up tape, collecting it all into a giant ball, and after every section she cleaned up she would victoriously yell “FREEDOM!”
• A member of the crew started pulling up tape from a station wagon sized section, before the man standing with arms crossed in the middle of the section shouted at him, “Hey, leave that alone! That’s my tape!”
  “Sorry,” our guy said, and dropped the wadded up clump of tape down in this man’s “territory”.
  “I don’t want that crap!” he yelled at us, and threw the tape at our backs as we walked away.
• The support we received from people driving by and walking the streets was great. A few joined us along the way after we explained what we were up to.
• On Salmon Street we started ripping up some tape before an especially shrill woman with a cell-phone stuck to the side of her head lurched at us. “Hey, that’s my tape!”
  “Okay,” we said, and moved on to the next section.
  “That’s mine, too! Leave it!”
  “Right, sorry.”
  We moved on to the next section. “My tape! My tape! Just stop!”
  “This is all yours?” someone asked her.
  “It’s all my tape!”
  “You’re Larson, and James, and Douglass, and Carey?”
  “They’re friends of mine!”
  “They can’t come down here and stand on their own tape and talk on their cell-phones?” At about this point, more Clean-Up crew had come along and, not realizing that this woman was in charge of an entire city block, began pulling up the tape where we had started. “Hey, leave that alone! My tape! My tape!” she yelled at them as she ran back to the beginning of her claim, cell-phone still stuck to her head. They apologized and while she stood her ground to deflect the next batch of approaching clean-up crew, that second group moved on and started pulling up the tape from the second of her six spots. “That’s mine too! Just go away!”
  It couldn’t have been funnier if it had been planned that way.
• In front of Nordstrom’s nearly the entire block was blocked off with tape and giant “Reserved for Nordstrom’s” signs. We tore that tape up with gusto, although by the time we passed the north end of the store two employees standing just inside that entrance figured out what was going on when they saw several people walking down the street with their signs and orange tape. They came out of the store to yell at us and presumably call the cops.
  
  Needless to say they were pretty pissed. I didn’t stay to find out what happened but I think it’s a safe bet nobody got in trouble since a squad car was parked across the street the whole time this was going on and he didn’t do a thing.

It was a great time cleaning up the streets, and I think the response was more positive than anything else. Here’s hoping this becomes the new tradition.

For other accounts and local weighing in, check out the Mercury’s Blogtown PDX, Dharma Vision, Another Blogger, and Squid took some awesome photos of the whole thing and posted the set. I’ll post any more links as I come across them.

Update: Pretty good follow-up post with two local newscasts on Blogtown.

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