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Iron Fist

my incompetent neighbor will be the death of me

That, or else I’m going to kill him. Let me tell you about the guy in the unit next to me. Three times in the last week I’ve been awakened after midnight by his fire alarm going off. The first time was probably the scariest because after I listened to the alarm going off for almost thirty seconds I heard the distinctive THUMP of him jumping out of bed. I can only assume this meant that he put something on the stove to cook and then decided that a quick cat nap was in order. What I want to know is, what is he cooking up at 12:30 AM? I can understand keeping weird hours, I keep some weird ones myself, but this is a pretty disturbing trend of setting things on fire in his kitchen in the middle of the night. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time until he burns the whole complex down.

Another thing: in my apartment building, the halls and common areas have AC but the individual units do not. Anyone with two brain cells to rub together (so, three people on my floor) has figured out that if you close your window and open your door on unbearably hot days the air in your room gets circulated out into the hall and the oven like temperatures in your room get down to the point where it’s possible to get to sleep at night. This would also probably be a good time for me to get out and meet some of the people on my floor if not for the fact that I am scared of them because I am pretty sure they are all crackheads. I’m walking back from taking out my garbage when I see that my neighbor has opened his door, too. At first I charitably think, “Hey, maybe he isn’t such a complete moron,” but then I realized that the reason he opened his door is because he burned his dinner yet again, and instead of doing the honorable thing and throwing himself out the window in shame, he was ventilating his room by letting the smoke get sucked out into the common area. That, and the smell of whatever else it is that he keeps in his room, which I am guessing must be some as-yet-undiscovered-by-Western-science specimen of swamp orangutan.

I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. I’ve gotta get out of this place.

Comments

  1. July 17th, 2007 | # | 1 year, 1 month ago

    Doesn’t he know that the McDonald’s drive-up is open 24 hours now?

    I once had a neighbor who was a church pastor. His wife was the organist and singer for the choir. Their kids were just obnoxious. At least twice a week I would be awakened after midnight by the wife’s organ being played at full-volume while she screeched out hymns. After a few weeks, I confronted her about it and was told that she sang when she couldn’t fall asleep. I had to explain that by doing so, she was keeping ME from sleeping (and how was her FAMILY sleeping through that racket?). But what I said must have made no impact, because a week later she was screeching her “music” at the top of her lungs again. At my wit’s end I ran to my stereo and cranked Bon Jovi’s “Lay Your Hands” so loud that the windows were shaking. After the song was over, I heard her still singing… but her voice was wavering and she was crying. A few weeks later they moved out, and made a point to tell me that there was a place in hell for people like me.

    I didn’t much care, because it was quiet once again, and I knew I would be able to sleep that night.

    And I did… like a baby.

  2. July 17th, 2007 | # | 1 year, 1 month ago

    wait… so you sleep with your front doors open? this oregon is a trusting place, i see.

    i say you all chip in and buy the guy a microwave. gotta be safer than having some nutcase cook pizza in the middle of the night.

  3. July 17th, 2007 | # | 1 year, 1 month ago

    When we first moved to Irvine, we lived in an apartment complex close to UCI. There was a girl who would practice her piano at all odd hours of the evening…there was also a floutist who often “jammed” with her. When I did not have to work, I found it peaceful to sit outside and listen most evenings but when I had duties, pshhhht…I got pissy. I eventually went to her apartment and asked her if she could stop at a certain time. She was kind and all but oblivious that what she was doing was affecting anyone.

    So I guess what I am saying is…it is your duty to tell this guy he is a fucktard ;).

  4. July 17th, 2007 | # | 1 year, 1 month ago

    Aren’t crack heads fun? Hey maybe that’s what he’s cooking. Crack.

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