whiskey on wednesdays is not a recipe for success
I’ve been trying to do this whole “grown-up” thing for the last few years now, most of which, as far as I can tell, seems to involve showing up at work every weekday around 8 o’clock and paying my bills in a timely matter. After going to work for a number of days you get rewarded with a “weekend”, and as a responsible grown-up you’re supposed to confine your shenanigans to those two days, so as not to interfere with “productivity” and “the bottom line” and other things that responsible people have to worry about.
That’s more or less how it works. Let’s say, though, that you get a call from your BFF, and you gush “we totally need to hang out tomorrow, I don’t think I’ve seen you in two weeks”, and so you agree to meet up when you get out of work the next day. So you meet up with this friend of yours, who we’ll call Sibyl, and her boyfriend T, and your college buddy Niels, and you all go out to a bar for pizza and beer. Now, the key here is that not all of you are doing this whole grown-up thing on the same schedule, and Wednesday night is the weekend for Sibyl and T, so they’re prepared to go no holds barred for the evening. You and Niels are both keyboard-slinging desk jockeys, and gosh if you don’t know very well that you have spreadsheets and code verification and TPS reports to attend to on the morrow. But you find yourselves getting caught up in the spirit of the evening, so much so that after your fifth or sixth round of beers you decide that it’s a great idea for every one to slug down a shot of whiskey, followed almost immediately by a Dos Equis and a game of air hockey. When you eventually stumble home, it is probably more a testament to Portland’s excellent public transit system than anything else.
Got it? Now let’s assume that’s what really happened to me, and I have to assume it did because I managed to upload the picture above sometime during the night, keying in a caption and title on my phone that almost seem to make sense, and thankfully I haven’t put too much effort in figuring out how to post to my blog from my cellphone because then I’d be able to embarrass myself in realtime. And there you have it.
***
A hangover in mid-week earns you no sympathy, nor should it, because responsible people know better than to get talked into that many drinks on a Wednesday. Being legitimately ill at work might earn you some sympathy…
Co-worker: You’re all pale and sweaty. Are you all right?
Me: I have malaria. I think I picked it up last weekend when I was teaching orphans to read in Guatemala.
CW: Oh! How terrible!
Me: It’s okay. I think this Robitussin is starting to kick in.
But a hangover?
Co-worker: You don’t look so well. Are you all right?
Me: I have a hangover.
CW: Hey, way to go, loser. Congratulations on being a moron.
Me: I guess I had that coming.
CW: Time for staff meeting!
Naturally I kept my hungover status concealed, telling the one or two people that asked that I was “just a little distracted today”, because distracted people frequently lose track of what they’re saying in mid-sentence AND drink nineteen cups of water before noon.
Anyway, lesson learned. I shall ride my bike all around town tomorrow to show my contriteness. That and I need to get into shape.
Ugh! Midweek hangovers are the absolute worst, because you have to keep hanging on until Friday. Hope you get that much-needed rest this weekend!
It’s so funny because I just had a huge discussion with a friend about hangovers. I’m the type of person that says, “Oh poor thing, I hope your hangover goes away!” And my friend gets all indignant with me and asks my why the hell I am giving someone sympathy for something that they did to themselves. My answer? Because 9 out of 10 times that someone is ME!
I’ve still not mastered letting loose on a weekday though…my hat is off to you, sir!
Okay, numerous wild thoughts here: First of all, seeing a posting by a dude named “Fist” scares the bee-jeebus outta me. Secondly, I’m very proud that you included one non-liquified portion of the evening…that being air hockey. And last, Robitussin is the very first thing I’d think of for combating Malaria.
Way to go, Vahid! Just consider it a dry run - or maybe a wet run - for TequilaCon.
Now that’s damn funny. Yeah you sounded a little ‘worn out’ on the phone Thursday. You Wednesday night sound like my Thursday night. Only I woke up at 4am, downed a giant glass of water, took three advil and went back to bed. Ugh.
jenny, I slept until noon today, I think that took care of most of it.
Hilly, I’m not so sure this is something you want to be congratulating for.
Lewis, medical science is just now starting to realize the miracle healing powers of Robitussin.
Karl, you’re right, a few more of these and I should have all the bugs worked out before May.
Ashley, saying I sounded ‘worn out’ is awfully kind of you, because I clearly sounded ‘demolished.’
I use Pepto Bismol as a cure for everything. I am confident that one day they’re find out that Pepto Bismol was the cure for cancer and the common cold all along… so it should be good enough for your hangover.
Ah… the “bottle flu.” Nasty stuff, that. Glad you’re better. And yes, you best be riding your bike…!