Iron Fist

I really wish my work had job sites in cool cities like Las Vegas or New Orleans or Cancun, but instead we just have an office in Salt Lake City.  After dinner on my second night in town, I found I was getting kind of antsy with being cooped up, and so decided to drive into the city.

I drove around until I found the temple in the middle of town.  Say what you will about the Mormons, but they know how to put up a striking building.  The temple at night was magnificent. My pictures don’t really do it justice.

There was a nice reflecting pool there, too, so I snapped a picture of that:

Right up the street from the temple is the state capitol building. I hadn’t noticed it on my first trip out here a few years ago, but it looked incredible lit up at night so I drove around until I found a spot to park, and then ran up there to stand in the freezing desert wind and snap a few pics:

Later, inexplicably, there were ducks.

And that wraps up the last few days. Is it Friday yet? I could really use some sleep. And when I say sleep really I mean a stiff drink.

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I have decided that today is going to be an exceedingly lazy Sunday, the type wherein which I only post some pictures of the local market, and I am willing to bet you probably have never seen this many types of cauliflower before.

And because it’s getting to be that time of year, a pumpkin.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get caught up on reading blogs.  Just as soon as I finish reading this novel.  Just as soon as I finish savoring this enormous cup of coffee.

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You know that feeling when you have to sneeze, and then you still have to sneeze, and then the tickle in your sinuses escalates to the point where you’re sure that you’re about to sneeze, but still nothing?  And for hours on end you’re left uncomfortably balancing on the cusp of a sneeze, but it never quite comes out?

That’s my day for the last two days, except with (probably) the flu, or some other lesser degree of cold.  I’ll get a sudden ache in my bones, and then later try to write an email and find I’ve just been staring at the monitor for fifteen minutes because of the sudden onset of fuzzy sick-head.  But nothing has seem to come of it, nothing serious enough to make me stay home from work.

After a mostly unproductive day on the job, I decided to cut out of the office early and go sleep off any pending sickness.  On my way out the door one of my coworkers said three magic words to me: “hot buttered rum.”

That sounds like a magnificent idea.  I think I’ll go make one up right now and savor it while I soak in the tub.  And I think another will sound about right when I’m ready to wrap myself up in a blanket and go to bed.  I like the idea of booze as a cure for what’s ailing me.

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FROM THE TEQUILACON GENERAL ACCOUNTING OFFICE:

Dear Vahid X. Huitzilopochtli,

We have received and reviewed a copy of your expense report for your recent TequilaCon planning trip.  While the accommodation, air travel, and dinner allocations all look above board, we have noticed certain irregularities in your submitted list of expenses.  The guidelines for travel compensation allow some leeway; however, as your expenses appear to be more than a little unusual for a business trip, you will need to provide some sort of justification for certain items before this office can approve them as a business expense and provide appropriate compensation.  These items are listed as follows:

* Architectural Cruise

“Every bridge tower is different? I had no idea.”

“Isn’t that the Oprah Winfrey building, the tall one by the water?”

“Like she owns it, or she lives there?”

“She’s the only one who lives there, the whole thing is hers.  Just her and Dr Phil.”

“I think the Trump Tower looks like a big penis.”

* Souvenir Photo Prints

“Hey, our picture is still up on the monitor.  Is it okay if I take a picture of it?”

“Uh, it’s not allowed to take pictures of the monitor.”

“I know, but I already bought the prints.  It’s not like I’m ripping you off.”

“Well…if I let you do it, then other people would think it was okay to do it.  I’d have total anarchy in here.”

“What if we took a picture of ourselves standing in front of the monitor pointing at ourselves in front of the Hancock Tower.  Is that okay?”

“Um.  The elevator is that way.”

* Martinis, Imported Beer — not consumed with meal

“See that huge line?  That’s the wait to get in the elevator to take you back downstairs.  So I hope you weren’t planning on doing a dine and dash.  We’d have to run around the restaurant until the line cleared out.”

“That sounds like a great idea for a sitcom episode.”

“We could base an entire series on that idea.  Every week the characters would try to dine and dash from increasingly ridiculous situations.”

“That line is still pretty long.  We’d better order another round.”

* Custom T-shirt

“Oh, there she is.  There’s my lady.  She’s going on my shirt.”

“What are you going to get on the back?”

“What you need to ask yourself is, what would a maverick write on their T-shirt?”

“Moose… be-yooo-ti-ful… “

“Something mavericky.”

* Tips — ‘Puppet Bike’

“You guys! Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, it’s PUPPET BIKE!!”

“Puppet Bike?! Wow!”

“Oh, I think I’m in love with Puppet Bike.  This is definitely worth a dollar.”

“Don’t put it in the box, give it to the puppet.”

“Here you go, one-eyed cat.  High five, little buddy!”

* Admission — Adler Planetarium

“I can’t believe we walked this far just to visit the Terror-arium.”

“It’s for science!  Also I want to see how my tax dollars are being spent.”

“I just read that poster and it says we’re all going to die.  The sun is going to expand until it consumes the earth.”

“Don’t worry about that, it’s called the Rapture.  We’ll be just fine.  Well, I will be, I know the right people.”

“Science is thirty times cooler if you wear 3-D glasses.”

“I’m putting my 3-D glasses up against the 3-D viewer.  I’ve got 6-D.”

“Okay, I think we can all fit in the photo booth.  You sit on the floor this time.”

“OH MY GOD, THERE IT IS!  The three million dollar projector!  Get a picture!”

As you know, we take our duties in regard to Tequila Oversight very seriously, in order to assure the citizenry of the blogosphere that their TequilaTax dollars are spent appropriately.  Please re-submit your expense report with apporpriate documentation attached as soon as possible.  You will not be recompensed for your expenses until such time.

Sincerely,

L. Jimador
Don Julio & Associates
TequilaCon GAO

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Like most people I know, I get up every morning to go to work, trudging down the street to my day job.  I stand in line to get coffee, I gab with people in the elevator and on the street.  They want to talk about the housing market and sports and the things that Joe Six-Packs across the nation talk about.  Every couple of weeks I collect a paycheck, and spend a lot of it on bills and have a few bucks left over to buy beer and dick around with my friends on the weekends.  Day in, day out, I’m just like everyone else.  Nothing out of the ordinary to see here.

But I have another job that I’m called upon to do, every now and then, another obligation.  In fact sometimes I get so caught up in my ‘regular’ life I almost forgot I have this other affiliation.  This other organization I belong to, its rare that they call in a favor, but when they do, I don’t dare say no.

Like earlier this week, for example, I had just laid down for the night when my phone rang.  I picked it up automatically, not glancing at the caller ID, and said, “Hello?”

“Oh,” I said, sitting up, “it’s you.  No, I haven’t forgotten, I knew you’d be in touch sooner or later, it’s just been a while…. right, I know…. yes, we definitely have a lot of work to do … of course.  Of course… when do you arrive?

“What? You want me to come out there…?  No, I mean…it’s just that… you caught me off guard, is all, usually you come out here… of course I’m loyal to you.  Of course I’m loyal to our organization… yes, I know these sort of things can’t just plan themselves… no, it’s not a problem.  I’ll make arrangements.  It’ll take time, you know, I have a job here, a cover…

“-this weekend?  But that’s… okay.  No, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean no disrespect.  Of course.  Of course.  Yes… of course.  Just lost my head for a minute, that’s all… yes, half asleep when you called.  Of course… okay.  Okay.  I’ll be there.  This weekend.”

I closed the phone, let my hand sink slowly to my side.  After a minute, I put on my robe and went downstairs to make some tea.  I was standing in the kitchen contemplating my mug when my roommate came home.

“Hey,” he said, “what’s up?”

I didn’t say anything for a minute.  And then: “The Boss called, got a job for me.  I’ve been sent for.”

He was speechless.  “What?  But I thought — I thought you were done with all that.”

I shook my head.  “There ain’t no retirement plan in this thing of ours, and only one way to get out, and I’m not ready for that yet.  Not by a long shot.  So the Boss says go, I go.  Ain’t no other way about it.  Job needs doin’.”

“When?”

“This weekend.”  I sighed.  “I guess I’d better pack.”

It’s not so bad, really.  I get along pretty well with the other wiseguys in this organization, and the Boss?  Well, to be honest, she’s all kinds of fun, and she’s totally foxy.  So I don’t mind doing this sort of work.

See you all on Monday!

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