Superman Returns opens…er, opened, yesterday. (Yes, I know, I should update more frequently.) In honor of that, I thought I’d link to Larry Niven’s classic essay Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex, a thought-provoking piece on why Superman would have such a hard time getting busy.
Don’t have time for science? C’mon, check out this excerpt:
Lastly, he’d blow off the top of her head.
Ejaculation of semen is entirely involuntary in the human male, and in all other forms of terrestrial life. It would be unreasonable to assume otherwise for a kryptonian. But with kryptonian muscles behind it, Kal-El’s semen would emerge with the muzzle velocity of a machine gun bullet. (*One can imagine that the Kent home in Smallville was riddled with holes during Superboy’s puberty. And why did Lana Lang never notice that?*)
Note: if you found that offensive, chances are you’re reading the wrong site. I’m not here for your entertainment, I’m here for mine. And if that pissed you off, that’s awesome. I know you’ll come back for more.