just plug him into the electro-unit
Okay, so long story short, I grievously injured my knee at work last week, which is pretty sad considering I work an office job, and I’m going to skip over the how of me wrecking my knee because even though that story takes place on Take Your Child to Work Day and involves me getting injured while competing with a ten-year old girl, it’s actually a far less entertaining story than that brief synopsis might suggest. Anyway, I at least had the good fortune to bend my leg in a completely unnatural direction while on the job, which means my doctor’s visit and the rehabilitation of my MCL get covered by the company.
So today I went in for physical therapy, which I expected to be no more than a nurse applying some hot compresses to my damaged tissues, but OH NO, medical science has advanced quite a bit since the days when my high school P.E. teacher told me to “just suck it up already”, and I discovered that I was going to be hooked up to a machine so advanced that no one actually knew what it did. I deduced this from the medical assistants’ bedside conversation, which went more or less as follows:
Medical Assistant 1: …and then you put the pads on his leg like this…
Medical Assistant 2: Okay.
MA1: And once they’re stuck, then you take the wires and plug them into the electro-unit.
MA2: I see.
MA1: And this is what heals the tissue.
MA2: Huh. How does it do that? With heat?
MA1: Uh…
MA2: …
Me: …
MA1: Actually, I don’t know how this machine works. But you switch it on here.
MA2: Right here?
MA1: Yep! Just turn it on and keep increasing the power until the patient asks you to stop.
MA2: They’ll tell you when?
Me: H’rkk.
MA1: Oh! Do you want us to make it higher or lower?
Me: Down. H’rk. A notch. Please.
I’m pretty sure this device didn’t actually serve any medical function. And when they had me roll over on my side and slopped a handful of warm goo on my leg without any warning and then spent five minutes poking me with an ultrasonic wand, I don’t think that does anything either. Really, the purpose of all this treatment is to humiliate the patient into healing faster. I think it must work, because I’m already feeling well enough to not want to go back for the rest of the sessions.
Ah, electro stim? I loved that machine when it was used on my lower back several years ago.
I want the story. That’s no fair. You can’t tease us like that!
Dave gets a bloody nose, I’ve got tuberculosis, now you’ve jacked up your knee… what’s going on?! We need to stay in padded, sterile rooms until the weekend so we can make it to Philly safely!
Hope your knee feels better soon!
I think it’s only fair that the 10-year-old get electroshock therapy, as well.
Haha, that is the same exact “treatment” I had when they first discovered all of my wrist/arm problems. I was trying to get them to at least let me take the ultrasonic wand home as a parting gift but no such luck.
Hope your leg is much better by Thursday!
New York, the walkingist city on earth, is so going to destroy you!
I had the same therapy on knee/shoulder last year. But I had a PT who knew what each magic machine did. I won’t bore you with the explanation, but you do need to go for as many sessions as they’ll let you. I’ve been pain-free ever since…
As for Dave’s comment: Are you going to NY while everyone else is going to Philly? Hell, come down to FL where it’s warm and I’ll chauffeur you about…
kapgar, okay, I’ll tell the story — at TEQUILACON.
jenny, I agree, we need to make sure we’re at the top of our games — for TEQUILACON.
Karl, that’s totally fair — at TEQUILACON.
Hilly, I’ll be taking my ultrasonic wand — to TEQUILACON. (I don’t know what I mean by that.)
Dave2, you know what will really probably destroy me? TEQUILACON.
Laurel, I’m spending two days in New York, and then I’m going to TEQUILACON.
so, are you going to tequilacon? i couldn’t really tell….
Wasn’t there a box in one of those medical forms where you can check “No, I don’t want crazy witch doctor machine science to heal me, just give me a knee massage?”
Are there even such things are knee massages?
kat!, I’ll be going to TequilaCon — at TEQUI- oh, wait. Dammit.
Dustin, I was going to make a comment about knee massages at TequilaCon, but kat! totally quashed my joke. I got nothin’.
I have three words for you.
“Vic. O. Din”
Natures cure for what ales you.
Sorry I wont be in Philly. We have an art show. Have fun.
I’ll do my best, although I’ll sure miss my bloggers from the Pac. Northwest.
(Hey, that kinda rhymed!)
Don’t even think that you’re off the hook for STP. Heck, when you’re riding a bike, you don’t really even need your knees so you’ll be fine. Also? Electro-stim with ice and ultrasound is the best weapon against inflammation. Seriously. Go back as often as your insurance plan will allow. Because, did I mention STP??
sigh.