Thank you for your email! Unfortunately, I am out of the office today! I will not be returning until next week!
Your email is important to me! Well, let’s be honest, it’s not that important. In fact I could care less that it’s sitting there in my inbox. If your request is urgent or time-sensitive… uh, deal with it. You’re a grown up, you’ve gotten yourself this far in life, right? Surely, despite your hysterical screeching, whatever it is can wait until next week.
I have to tell you, I won’t be thinking about work much at all! In fact, I will be a thousand miles away from here, and all too happy about it. I’m going to see some old friends and some new ones, and I’m going to walk barefoot in the sand, I’m going to eat some REAL Mexican food (or at least as real as I remember it growing up), and I’m going to be looking at a lot of comic books. Also, there will be drinking.
I will attend to your email upon my return to the office. And, well, that’s another lie, isn’t it? Because chances are there’s going to be quite a few stacked up in there, and it will probably be another week before I even think about replying. Again: deal with it.
Cheers!