even an abnormally tall sheepherder can find true love
Internet access at my work is monitored and screened, presumably to deter people from screwing off too much, so a lot of the fun sites I’d otherwise spend time at are blocked.
It’s all right, though, because plenty of amusement can be derived from reading the news. This morning, I came across a headline on the BBC News site declaring that the world’s tallest man had gotten married.
After a global search for a suitable bride, herdsman Bao Xishun ended up marrying a saleswoman from his home city of Chifeng in northern China.
A global search for a bride? A giant sheepherder, looking for true love? Can it get any better than this? The only thing I want to know is, why didn’t this make the fall cut as a reality TV show? I totally would have watched this! You can keep your American Idol and your Survivor; I would have been glued to the TV all season long for Bride of Bao.
News of Mr Bao’s wedding has delighted commentators in China.
The Beijing News reported: “After sending out marriage advertisements across the world and going through a long selection process, the efforts have finally paid off.”
It already had all the makings for a great series — I have no idea why no one picked up on this earlier. I would be a millionaire if I had known the tallest man in the world was scouring the far corners of the earth looking for a missus and I had thought to get him to sign away the film rights to me.
Of course, that’s not all the tallest man in the world has been up to lately. It gets better:
The 54-year-old gained fame last year when he saved two dolphins by pulling dangerous plastic from their stomachs.
He used his long arms to remove shards that the animals had swallowed at an aquarium in Fushun, north-east China.
So not only is he settling down after processing what I can only assume must have been hundreds of applicants for the title of Mrs. Bao, but he’s also saving cetaceans from certain death? I had to investigate this. Sure enough, I found the link to the article about how he used his tremendous super-hero arms to pull plastic from the dolphins’ stomachs…
Mongolian herdsman Bao Xishun was called in after the dolphins swallowed plastic used around their pool at an aquarium in Fushun, north-east China.
[...] The heads of the dolphins were held back and towels wrapped around their teeth so Mr Bao could not be bitten.
He then extended his 1.06m-long arm into the mammals’ stomachs.
Personally, I think it’s great that this guy is on call for this sort of thing, because when you think about it, so many of those hard-to-solve problems in the world today can be taken care of quickly and easily by a man with supernaturally long limbs.
And I’ve found my new purpose in life: I am going to travel to northern China and become this heroic man’s ghost-blogger, chronicling his adventures as he travels the world in long strides, righting wrongs, reaching boldy into mammal stomachs, herding livestock, and of course settling down with the woman of his dreams. Be sure to read all about it giganticgoatherder.com later this year, when Bao Xishun and I team up. Somehow I have the feeling that the awesomeness is only just beginning.
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